4- Say Cheese and Smile

"It's been a long, a long time coming, but I know a change gonna come" Sam Cooke

Some folks from the northeast suffer from “dontlookitis”. Basically, this disorder means you never look at anyone you don’t know in the eye, or engage a stranger into conversation. This is a function of tribal survival- everyone knows you do not engage a potential car-jacker, gang banger, shyster, or religious nut. The best way to avoid said people is to project an invisible force field that does not welcome said people in.

I will cop to suffering this disorder. If I know you, I’m happy to chat with you, smile at you, wave to you when we pass. If you’re a stranger though… well, I become somewhat socially aloof. (This explains my inherent distrust for Walmart greeters, good lord those years in the south were odd- complete strangers with huge toothy grins, wearing blue smiley face vests practically chasing you down as you walk through the door with a “Well hello y’all! How are youuuuuuuuuuu today?” Pure torture!)

Now for my deep confession. All of my adult life I have envied and admired people who “never meet a stranger”. In fact, in some ways I have gone to lengths to surround myself with such people. I have a lot of friends who are the type who can easily strike up a conversation in line with anyone. You go to a bar, and they are cracking jokes with previously unknown patrons as if they were old foxhole buddies. Walk around an amusement park with them, and they somehow know complete random strangers names and life stories by the time you leave. I’ve secretly wished I could be like that…. even while acknowledging such conversations would actually be agony for me.

This whole experiment is about being more of the person I wish I could be, through small achievable baby steps (thank you What About Bob). This morning I did something small… and it felt good. As I walked down the main street sidewalk, on my way to work, I sought out people to smile at, look in the eye, and say “Good morning!” to. People I already knew didn’t count. Strangers who said hello to me first didn’t count. I had to actually instigate a good morning encounter.

What do you know… it felt good. No one turned out to be a car-jacker, gang banger, shyster, or religious nut (or if they were, they kept it well hidden behind a polite smile). People just smiled and either nodded or said hello or good morning back. By the time I walked into my office I was smiling at my boss and said cheerfully, “Good morning!” and wow, I meant it!